- Do you like children?
- Are you patient?
- Are you kind?
- Do you have a “clean sheet” in terms of criminal convictions?
- Could we possibly have a gander at your Internet history, without you breaking into a cold sweat?
If you can answer YES to all of the above then we could really use your help right now. The Riverdale Kids Club is facing extinction because there simply aren’t enough adults in the church prepared to run the group.
Wait, we’ll rephrase that. There aren’t enough *responsible* adults in the church prepared to run the group.
Even if you like children, but have a string of motoring convictions… or you’re patient, but hate children… then perhaps we can iron out some kind of compromise.
However, if you’re really keen but your name is on a register then we really don’t require your services. There’s more chance of Ricky Gervais fronting Songs of Praise than there is of you worming your way into our kids club.
Interested? Please send your CV, including a 500 word summary of the New Testament, in a way that an eight-year-old child would understand.
You will also need to attach a 1,500 document explaining how you would handle this hypothetical situation:
You’re enjoying an age appropriate film with eight children, aged between seven and ten. Child No.1 suddenly makes a beeline for the door, insisting that he needs to use the facilities, but loses his footing, falls over, and starts crying. At first glance he’s being a drama queen, but he could have torn a ligament.
As your attention is diverted, Child No.2 suddenly punches Child No.3 in the face. A direct result of an earlier altercation where Child No.2 revealed Kylo Ren’s parentage, prior to Child No.3 seeing the latest Star Wars film. Child No.3 is now nursing a bloody nose, while Child No.2 is being held back by Child No. 4-6 (No.2 is big boned lad, intent on doing some serious damage to Child No.3).
However, Child No.7 also has a long-running feud with Child No.3, and screams “Finish him!” before drop-kicking the boy into a filing cabinet.
How do you defuse the situation before things get out of control?
Just bung all that into an e-mail and send it to firstname.lastname@example.org