From: George Tyler To: Riverdale Church Sent: Thursday, April 8, 07:13 Subject: Knockin’ on Heaven’s Door! Dear Man or Woman of the Cloth, I recently e-mailed Pastor Greg Edwards of Riverdale church, but received an automated reply notifying me that he was out of body – i.e. dead. So I’ve cut and pasted the main body (no pun intended) of text below in the hope that another one of your church office stiffs can assist me. I’m looking for Jesus. Can you help? I don’t mean in his physical form – unless you have access to a TARDIS, in which case let’s grab the sonic screwdriver and whizz back to 30AD. I’d really love to have lunch with him! Although I don’t speak Aramaic, or Hebrew, or Greek, and I don’t even have a basic grasp of Latin. Would this be a stumbling block? It’d be a shame if I went all that way and neither of us could understand what the other was saying! But I guess it would be great to just sit there and eat with him. Anyhoo, I was actually talking about Jesus in the spiritual sense, so I’m guessing that being the son of God he would be multilingual? The Bible says something along the lines of ‘seek and you will find, knock and the door will be opened’. Where is it I’m meant to be knocking? At the cathedral in town? Or is it a metaphorical door? Also, I’m totally rubbish at seeking. As a kid I would always be the ‘hider’ – it once took my mother three days to find me. That’s my personal best. I was hiding in the ottoman – and totally famished by the end of it! I gorged on bananas for days afterwards. Finding stuff is also not my forte – although I am very good at losing things. Car keys, mobile phones, socks, you name it! In fact the only thing I haven’t lost in my life is my virginity. On that bombshell I would be stoked if someone could please RSVP ASAP to shed some light on this. I’d really like to find Jesus before I die as I’m mindful of being sent to Hell for something I did today.