From: Randy Jones To: Peter Loftus
Sent: Monday, April 26, 18:24
Subject: Hey Peter!
Peter! Peter! Peter! OMG! So sorry I forgot to reply to your e-mail last week. Did the dog die in the end? I always forget to pray for peeps!!! My bad!
Also, sorry I was spectacularly late for church today. I purposely arrived late in a new ploy to avoid the pre-service small talk. LOL! I also sloped off early as I’m a little wary of attending anymore lunches with church peeps! I don’t understand why you guys insist on dividing the bill equally when all I have is one measly pizza and lemonade while the likes of Jonathan ‘no tithes’ Skimpy have a three course meal and a bottle of champagne. WHAT? Why should I pay for other peoples excesses??
On top of that the bill magically doubles and even when we all pay over the odds we’re still £40 short! That’s just totally screwed up! WHAT A LIBERTY! LOL! I wanted to break Jonathan Skimpy’s nose for quipping “You paying?” It’s like his annoying, overused catchphrase… if he says it again I will snap – his legs off. LOL! Not only that, but he seems to think he invented the joke ‘You peed on the floor again?” when someone drops a pea on the floor. Surely people rolled their eyes in Biblical times when they heard this weary old pig of a joke??
OMG! I forgot! I’m starting at Bridal school next week so I’m going to have to tighten the old belt a bit anyway. LOL! Sorry, I meant Bible school! LOL! I do hope they’re ready for me and my rather off-the-wall sense of humour. LMAO! I’m mad me!! 😛 I’ve not read the Bible before so I’d best do some swotting up!! Don’t give me any spoilers – just got up to the bit where God created all the insects and saw that they were good! Even wasps?? How did they even get the green light?? By the way – I hope they don’t expect me to do much work at Bible school. I mean I’m paying them £8k a year – so surely they should do the work for ME! LOL!