From: Peter Loftus To: Riverdale Church Sent: Wednesday, April 14, 16:36 Subject: It’s a Thriller! Dear Riverdalers, I’ve decided to implement my first major change since coming to power as your pastor – and hopefully you’ll look upon it favourably. I really don’t want my spell as pastor to be known henceforth as Peter Loftus’ Reign of Terror – so my first change is designed to curry your favour… I’m shifting the start time of church from 9am to 11am. KER-POW! You now have an extra two hours in bed on a Sunday morning. Oh yes. I knew you’d like that. This change has arisen simply because last Sunday it looked like most of you had risen – from the dead. For a moment during worship I thought you were going to spontaneously burst into the Thriller dance routine! Now that would have been a sight to behold. I know many of you are nocturnal creatures and don’t get shut eye until around 3am – so 9am may be a tad too early for some! But wait… there’s another positive. BOOM! Tea and coffee will now be served from 10.30am along with a selection of yummy cakes to indulge in 🙂 Mmmm, caffeine and sugary goodness to keep you going through the service. Hark, what’s that? There’s more good news? KABOOM! It’s an extender! Yes, we’re having an extension built on the building so we’ll now have the main hall, children’s creche and a new ‘chill-out’ room where you can go to mingle and meditate – heck, why not take a power nap in there too? I hope that you greet these changes with pant-wetting warmth. It’d also be nice for a few of you to crack a smile on Sunday. NEWS FLASH: GOD IS GREATER THAN KELLOGG’S FROSTIES!