From: Peter Loftus To: Riverdale Church Sent: Saturday, April 24, 11:17 AM Subject: Matty Goes… into the sin bin Dear Parents of Riverdale Children, You may have noticed that a section of ‘children’s books’ have been removed from the church creche. After perusing a couple of titles over coffee and cake at the weekend I was horrified to discover the content of the ‘Matty Goes…’ series was littered with ungodly filth and demonized depravity. Apologies. I can only assume that when your previous pastor purchased the Matty books off the Internet he was lead to believe that they were about Christian love – instead they were written by local author and self-publisher Christian Love – who is a total fruitcake (and former pastor of Riverdale Church). Here is an extract from Matty Goes Postal – “Matty was angry at daddy for losing lots of money on the horses… so he climbed onto the chair and hit daddy with the cricket bat. “Again!” screamed the voice of Dr Crippen (the man who lived inside Matty’s head) “Again! Again!” … Daddy’s eyes rolled into the back of his head and he went wobbly like jelly, before God took him away to Heaven. Scared of what mother might say, Matty poured petrol over the couch and started a small fire in the kitchen using a collection of wood shavings gathered from the garden. After watching EastEnders, Matty knew he could burn the house down and mummy could get rich by claiming on the insurance.” It’s clear to me that these books were written by a demented, tortured soul. I profusely apologise for not removing these books sooner, as according to church records they’ve been in the creche for just over three years.