From: Peter Loftus To: Riverdale Church Sent: Thursday, April 8, 16:48 Subject: Arise, Rodimus Prime! Hey everyone! My name is Peter Loftus and I’m the brand-spanking new pastor of Riverdale Church! I’m also sure I’m the first (and most likely the last) pastor to use the word ‘spanking’ in a church e-mail. Now, if you’re reading this it means you’re a regular attendee of the aforementioned church – or I’ve screwed up the mailing list. So please tell me if you wish to be removed from the equation (list). I’ve been passed the baton of leadership by your former pastor, Greg Edwards. Well, not so much passed, as he was dead while he was still clutching the baton – but I managed to prise it from his cold, dead hands… and now it’s my precious! Yes, I am aware that death is nay laughing matter, and nor is the nature of his untimely death (although I must admit, I do quietly chuckle to myself when I think about an anvil dropping on someone’s head) but Greg is with the Lord now. Man, what a mighty man of God he was!! Just a shame he was such a terrible pastor. Anyhoo, as I’ve inherited such a pig’s ear of a church then it is my job to clear out the dead wood and implement some far-reaching changes. I’ve already asked two elders to step down as it transpired they were practising Stalinists – and there are still lots of issues for me to address within Riverdale… but I’m hopeful that a few of you can meet me half way, and that this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship. FACT: I’m the Sixth Pastor of Riverdale, so for any geeks amongst us please think of me as the Sixth Doctor – I just hope I don’t develop a penchant for ghastly multi-coloured coats, attempt to throttle my assistant pastor and find myself sacked after two years, only to be replaced by a Scotsman.