WELCOME, NEW MEMBERS!
Riverdale has lost several key members in the last 18 months, but fear not, they’ve been replaced by lots of shiny new people!
Please don’t be alarmed when folks leave, as people come and go all the time, like in Emmerdale, Coronation Street or Game of Thrones. It’s always good to clear the deadwood occasionally, and let’s face it, had nobody left the church since its inception back in 1985 then we’d be bursting at the seams right now! We’d certainly need a bigger car park – and possibly a third kettle.
Just to keep you in the loop (and as a pre-emptive strike for any gossip) the following people are no longer with us:
Louis and Phil – Relocated to Bangkok
Dan Wood – Converted to Islam
Henry Sullivan – Converted to JWs
April Lannister – After four years of church-hopping she decided that Riverdale wasn’t for her
Lance Stark – Spiritual differences
Kevin and Mary – Poached by rival church, Riverside
Doug Donovan – Pride issues
Ray Windsor – Excommunicated
Stan Morgan – Gone to be with The Lord. We hope. Although after what he said on his death bed that’s open to debate.
We’d like to wish the defectors a blessed life, and the knowledge that our door is always open to them should they wish to return (except Ray, and Stan, obviously). Well, the door isn’t always open (due to risk of thievery, squatting and vandalism) but certainly on a Sunday morning between 11am and 12pm. Please don’t make a comeback between 12-12:30 as that’s just when my sermon is hitting its stride and you’ll disturb my train of thought/steal my thunder.
Finally, we’d like to welcome the next batch of Riverdale denizens…
Owen Skimpy (brother of Jonathan) – Owen will be popping his head in from time-to-time but may struggle to make it every week due to his nocturnal hours and a few problems with his dog. Louise Schofield – Former white witch come good. Louise will be leading worship from time to time and may even help out in the creche (pending CBR checks).
Steve O’Grady has returned from his 12 month self-imposed exile but still insists on wearing a white sheet over his head.
Please welcome the newbies with a warm smile and a big Christian hug. They might have questions like “Where are the toilets?” or “What time does he normally stop talking?” so if you could answer any queries/address concerns that would be swell.
Finally, congratulations to Riverdalers Sally and Matt Ren, who have spawned a baby boy, weighing 9lb 6 oz. Matt privately told me that it’s a huge relief, having had six girls he really wanted a boy that he could “teach the ways of The Force”.
They’ve named him Kylo Ben.
Please pray for that boy. Everyday.